Workplace bullying…seriously

I never imagined the day I would want to write something related to “Workplace bullying” as I figured the more professional one became and “moved up” the ladder that it was likely non-existent because, well, intelligence…or so I thought.

Bear with me here, I know background helps everything, so bear with me while I explain my background so you can understand why I harbor the views I do. I grew up destitute, even then I don’t believe that word is strong enough to describe how horrible my childhood was. I grew up in West Palm Beach, Florida, and despite what most believe when they first hear this, it was not paradise for me, where I grew up. You see, I grew up in the ghettos of West Palm Beach, my dad was a raging alcoholic and my mom did all she could to provide for us, but he was abusive in all aspects. If that isn’t enough, I was merely 5 years when I could tell you what a drug dealer was selling, I could correct someone on the difference between crack and cocaine, and the prostitutes who walked the streets of Broadway Ave were on a first name basis because we walked past them all the time while walking to school. I saw someone get shot in the head when I was 11 years old simply because he kept asking them to stop calling them some nick name he didn’t appreciate, that moment is forever etched in my head, I can replay the scenario in vivid color, smell everything around me, feel the Florida summer sun on my skin, and the shock of watching an argument turn violent, but I learned something that day, respect a person’s wish, you have no right to continually insult someone because you think it is funny; however, no one has the right to commit an act of violence against you because of it either, but violence was the currency in the ghetto and I grew up around it knowing this wasn’t for me, I was leaving the first chance I got.

What I learned that day was simple, respect people and their wishes and desires, and that nick names are not endearing unless the person you’re assigning it to feels the same. Even then, a person may only allow certain people to use it, just because you hear someone called by it, doesn’t give you the right to call them by it. I am not isolating this article to just nick names, this includes “jokes” and other nonsense a subset of people believe is justifiable because they believe it is funny, even at the expense of others, something I believe is just morally wrong.

Now back to my topic of “workplace bullying”, now that you have an understanding of where I established my principles on respecting everyone and their desires. I’ve worked at companies where, even the bosses/owners, just felt like everyone had to have a nick name of thier own assignment, like it was endearing along with “jokes” of trapping someones chair under their desk, gluing a phone to the base, and other stupid 10 year old nonsense. I get laughter knowing the same stale going-no-where people still work there, and the ever turning revolving door of talent by means of seeing them hiring engineers at least four times a year, is because people with morals and talent, hate them. This is just one aspect of it, I’ve seen it in small to large corporations; however, larger corporations are doing a much better job at not just preventing the behavior, but getting rid of those who deem it justifiable. This isn’t just related to upper management either, in larger corporations I rarely see managers engaging in this ridiculous behavior, I see it among non-managing personnel, and mostly when they’re in gatherings and booze is involved, and this is where an overwhelming number of people seem to lose all their professionalism, intelligence, and respect towards others.

Generally speaking, among peers of the same group, people tend to get together and get along just fine, primarily because everyone is professional and respectful, but I’ve personally encountered issues with people who just felt like they had to make a point about their opinion of either how I wore my hair or how digging through my wallet when I wasn’t looking, typing an email at a table, was supposed to be funny. Yes, you heard the second part right, going through a persons wallet, with your manager also sitting at the table, was supposed to be funny. One might ask “Were they drinking and was it after hours?”. Yes, and yes; however, those are, in my opinion, aggregating factors and not reasons to justify such abhorrent behavior.

My hair is long, I love it that way, now I do plan to make a change to it soon, because I’m back in Florida and I do a lot of diving, but it’ll still be “long” by the stereotypical male standard. As such, when my hair is shorter, parts of it will fall in front of my face, sometimes just at the point of being in front of my eye so I’ve learned to deal with it. However, this one particular individual kept asking me stupid questions in regards to it (we’re talking for months on end too) like “You don’t see that?”, “That doesn’t bother you?” and the best one of all “Are you just trying to make a statement?”. These are just a sample of the harassment I received from him about my hair, which I think is rich coming from an bald dude, but the last one prompted my response of “I’m sorry, what statement are you referring to, my sexuality, identity, what?”. It caught him off guard and he didn’t answer, but we can all read between the lines. If I can recall correctly, I believe legislation was just passed called The Crown Act, which primarily helps against minorities being discriminated against based on their hair, among the many factors referenced in the act. Nevertheless, this piece of legislation reinforces that no one should be bullied, or even discriminated against, based upon their hair. I mean, seriously, what is wrong with people who judge someone on their hair or make an assumption of their sexuality based on it? How shallow and empty are these people?

Thankfully I didn’t have to work with this person directly, so I just never interacted with him outside of large group meetings, which was fine by me anyways. However, fast forward to another team function, and insert yet more alcohol, I noticed teammates sitting in the lobby, he was there too, and instead of being antisocial (which I’m not, but I didn’t want to be perceived as) I decided to just hang out for a few minutes and then head up to bed. I placed my wallet and phone on the table, then my phone showed an important email I needed to respond to, so I decided to respond right there. Most people will agree with me here, but I’m at a table with co-workers I trust to respect my privacy, I don’t expect them to stand guard over my wallet, but I never would have imagined someone would decide to go through my wallet and empty it on the table because my attention was diverted because I was doing my job. Well, I guessed incorrectly, and in that moment I felt enraged and instead of just “losing” it, I collected my things and headed to my room to get some sleep.

I knew better than to say anything, your word versus others, and they’re drunk, its just an ugly mess, so I knew keeping my mouth shut was the best option and let cooler heads prevail. However, I wasn’t going to allow the incident to go just that easily, especially since his own manager was sitting right next to him when he did it. Some people would have gone to HR, some would have “lost it” right there, but I took a different path only to document it in an email to everyone at the table that I didn’t appreciate my privacy being invaded, especially my wallet which contains near all my life’s information and other medical related information. As expected, the few who were there and had absolutely nothing to do with it, even though they saw it, responded by basically saying “Hey, it wasn’t me, just wanted to make that clear”, and I knew this would happen, but I had no desire to take the matter further to HR, I was going to let it sit right there.

More alarming to me was the lack of response, recoginition, or anything from his manager who was right there the entire time, sitting right next to him, when it happened. I can understand his position, he was in a pickle, but integrity is everything and I only judge a persons character when they’re in a bad situation, because admitting you’re wrong, you screwed up, takes a lot of maturity, but for the greater part, integrity to make right those for whom you’ve wronged. Anyone who is a good friend of mine knows I am very forgiving, as long as you’re genuine and you actually learn from your mistakes, I move past them and never use them against you.

There are many other examples of workplace bullying, these aren’t the only two things I’ve personally encountered, but are the two most recent, albeit they were some time ago. I don’t participate in the “ass grabbing” behavior you find among groups of men, its not my thing, I’ll happily hang out and have a good time, but never at the expense of another person, ever. Even more, I can only imagine how isolating it must feel for minorities in these situations, or people who are attracted to the same sex, as I’m sure the bullying intensifies there.